The Boy in the Mirror

I believe that everyone has the right to have an opinion, but no one has the right to enforce it upon others.

I believe in being kind to others , just as you would wish them to be kind to you.

I believe love transcends all boundaries. I mean ALL.

I believe that freedom is a right and not a privilege.

Lastly, no love, no freedom.

I hate using labels such as "Feminist", "Atheist" or for that matter "LGBT". Whether 
you are labelled one or the other, you are still a person. I feel when you label 
someone, the person behind the label ceases to exist, and instead will always be recognized by the label which is the cause for stigma. However, labels, can be powerful too! When I hear that so & so person belongs to the LGBT community, the first thing that pops into my mind is the cause behind the label. I start thinking of all the people I know, that belong to this community, and although this community has made a lot of progress, mankind is still years away from accepting this new normal. From the case of the transgender boy in Chicago,who identifies as a girl, to Bruce Jenner, the Olympian, who at age 65 began publicly identifying himself as Caitlyn Jenner, we have seen/ heard of so many people, who , when born are assigned a sex but as they grow up, realize that they identify with the opposite sex. And then straight 
people call them confused or label them in wrongful ways. But if a person belonging 
to the LGBT community, has already accepted who he/she is in his/her mind, what have we got to do with their decision?

Just because we think the world is black and white, doesn't mean it is. It is made of various colors, and the fact that we can't comprehend that a person could be born a man and still be attracted to

another man or be a woman, yet identify as a man, goes on to show that we are the ones that are

really confused!

This poem is my way of expressing support for the LGBT community.

I see soft, cherry colored lips,

Hair held in place with bejweled clips.

I feel so pretty as I twirl,

For I am just a girl!

I am just a girl, but then I wonder why,

When I look in the mirror, I see a boy?

My eyes turn cloudy and I see red!

Just like the clouds of confusion, o'er my head!

O'er my head, around my ears,

I have heard whispers all these years!

I may be a boy, but there's a girl in me,

When will your judging eyes set her free?

Set her free, and let me live,

As a girl, let me relive!

Relive I shall past joys and sorrows

In pearls and pink, I'll have a rosy tomorrow!

A Poet's Lament

My every morning ritual consists of reading newspapers from 4 different countries. Dont ask me why.  This morning I woke up and sadly, as usual the front page news was terrorism, followed by gun shootings, violence and natural calamities. Somewhere in the midst of all that, was a video of  a jellyfish floating in deep waters, with commentary in the background from scientists offering their expert analysis on why the fish emits bright light. Could it be for mating purposes or to ward off prey? And I thought to myself, why can't we just let it be? Respect his/her privacy and set them free. Just have faith that the  jellyfish wont do us any harm and leave it alone. But we as humans are incapable of trusting each other, and the jellyfish belongs to a completely different species, so I don't know , why that thought even crossed my mind.

Humans mistrust, 

Humans have no faith,

They believe in religion,

But after violence they lust!

Where freedom is a sin,

And war is right,

Humans can only be measured,

By the greed in their sight!

With the joys of simple pleasures,

Lost somewhere in the sands of time,

My pen is my sword, the ink my blood,

Punish me, if writing this is a crime.

Not every deed has to be measured,

Not all waters are holy, to be revered.

For all humans living under the sun,

I have a very sincere question.

Cant a jellyfish just light up for fun?

Everything isn't always selfish motivation!

HOLLOW SOULS

People can judge you all they want, even when they don't have the right to do so. Especially, the ones that are close to you. They comment on your appearance, your family, your circumstances,but they can't see the beauty in your soul. Some people wallow in their holier than thou auras, but on the inside they are hollow & filled with pettiness. There are good people in the world, but the good are always outnumbered by these fools.I wonder if they knew about your past, would they treat you any differently in the present? Would they still find happiness in your despair?

This poem is a message to such shallow, hollow people, of whom, on this earth there is no dearth of. Live and let live. If you, can't say something nice, say nothing at all!

If you can't help, at least don't harm!

What do you know?

Of the night so dark,
Of the dangers so stark,

Of the demons that I fight,

When you are nowhere in sight!

What do you know?
Of the times I have seen,
Of the wounds deep in my skin,
Of evil & jealousy so green,
You coward, where have you been!

I let you go a long ago,
About time, you do the same,
I know, you can't handle sorrow,
But you have the courage to shame my name?

Dont think of me with a closed mind!
Liberate me from your world!
We might be one family, one blood,
But some ties don't always bind..

The Urban Dreamer

I have got nothing but dreams in my head,

That I am high up on a mountain 

Staring at the sunset so red.

I would do everything that can be done,

To go do something, get off the bed

Even if daydreaming seems so much fun!

As I look past my tame facade in the mirror,

I realize I can no longer be chained down.

I dont want discipline and order,

I dont want to take the train downtown.

I want to run wild and free

By a river and not on the city streets!

With my bags packed and my mind ready to go,

I travel the longest roads, mountains high and low.

Without a care, I risk my life on the high seas,

This is  the most exciting that life can be.

I meet wise men and women,

And gather all the wisdom that one needs.

Feeling refreshed , I begin the journey back home

Although I am sure, a part of me is still in Rome.

My wanderlust sated, my feet keep moving,

Everything around me turns still, I hear a bell ring.

I am alone in my bed, staring at the ceiling,

Was that all true, or was I just daydreaming?

Dear Ladies

This has been the most challenging post I have written till date. It is a true reflection of my thoughts and I hope there is something good for each of us, woman/man, to take away from this post.

A look back at my blog posts, I hadn't written anything for a long time. I had literally been suffering from a writer's block. Wikipedia describes it as , " Writer's block is a condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. The condition ranges in difficulty from coming up with original ideas to being unable to produce a work for years." In my case it has been almost an year. When I look back at the past year, I now feel that I had been soul searching more than ever. Maybe it had to do with me evolving into an adult in the real sense, change of jobs and adjusting to a new place. But I have learnt a few things over the past year that I would like to share, especially with women. I couldn't think of a better way to unblock the writer's block!

 Dear Ladies,

The other day, after a workout at the gym, I flopped in the sofa seat in the locker room and started flipping thru a magazine on the table. Flipping thru it, I realized a common pattern that existed across the pages of the magazine. Of course, there were fashion tips & trends, but also there were articles about how to juggle your career and household, how to please your man, how to find a man & make him stay, how to be a good mother, etc. So, what was the common pattern? Well, it was the way all those articles in the magazine classified women into roles, they did not focus on a woman as an individual. There was nothing inspirational about any of them, I mean which one of us doesn't get a good dose of "how to manage your household" from our mothers every now & then? Do you want to be reading about it in a magazine too? No!

#DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE CLASSIFIED IN A PARTICULAR ROLE

What I am trying to say here is, it is we who understand ourselves the best, so let us not allow someone to chalk the path for us or classify us into roles. I would have loved to quote & compare here that a man always remains a man, however it is the woman whose role changes as she goes thru the different stages in life. But this comparison would have been very relevant if I were writing this post maybe 15 years ago. Now, women are already breaking the barriers, pushing their limits, and we ought to do so too. Let us not allow ourselves to be classified, let our voices be heard & most of all let us retain our individuality. Learn to speak up, do not care about what others might think about you. Just go out and do it! Women over think things and sometimes its good but not every time. Self-esteem CANNOT be determined by what others think of you. Do not be afraid of being judged.

#ESTABLISH YOUR INDIVIDUALITY EVEN IN SMALL THINGS THAT YOU DO

Coming back to this issue of being classified, I am not blaming the other sex that it is they who classified us into roles. Both women & men are responsible for this. Let me explain this. For starters, let us take the example of a man courting a woman. They have their first date at some nice restaurant and as the dinner comes to an end, the waiter brings the check. What should the woman do? Should she wait for the man to pay or she whip out her credit card? OF COURSE, she should pay! Did she not eat? Was she not a part of the dinner? Eventually one of them will end up paying or she can at least pay her half. The common course of a date is usually otherwise with very few exceptions. But the point here is, this is the first step to establishing your individuality. If he ends up being your boyfriend or more, you don't want to be classified as the high maintenance girlfriend among his friends, who makes her boyfriend foot all her bills. Please pay up, do not expect someone else to cover your bills.

#THERE IS NO "SOFT OPTION" FOR WOMEN

Another example, to make my point about how women too are responsible for classifying other women into roles  is when women tell other women about this "soft option" we have as if it is a luxury. The soft option is to give up your career or something that you love doing to take care of the family and let the husband be the only breadwinner. Of course, I don't have a child yet, so I don't have the whole idea of what it takes to rear children, but I do have some idea. From my point of view there is no soft option. I have heard of this "soft option" theory from mostly Asian people. I have heard it from women & men in my family too. I do not want to hurt or disrespect anyone here, but imagine one day, 20 years from now, you will realize that life has just passed by you and you have been doing the same thing over & over again because that was the role you were classified into. And no one will understand that but you. It is only you who can change the course of your life, so challenge yourself, the sooner the better.

Having a job or pursuing a hobby, will open up different doors for you - you will meet new people, gain more experiences,  you will learn more about yourself too! As long as it is physically possible for you keep doing what you love than doing something what others or society has chosen for you. SO, PLEASE STOP "INFORMING" WOMEN THAT THEY HAVE A SOFT OPTION! Your family will always need you & you should always be there for them, but that doesn't mean waiting on hand & foot for them. Another aspect to this issue is, when your partner is the only breadwinner in the family, imagine how stressful it could be for him/her. If I were the only breadwinner in my family, I would be freaking out. It only increases the financial risk in your lives. God forbid if something were to happen to the only breadwinner in the family, how would you sustain yourself? You should rather mitigate this risk by finding means to sustain yourself.  

#SAY MORE, APOLOGIZE LESS

Moving on to a different issue, learn to apologize less. If you are in a meeting, and you want to give your opinion on something, do not start your sentences with," I am sorry but I think.....". What are you apologizing for? That's why your company hired you, that is why they pay you! They want your opinion. You don't have to be sorry for anything. Also, it happens every so often, that you are the only woman in a room full of men, especially at work. Do not feel intimidated by men, they are just men, not alligators. They went to school & college like you did, and they are just as intelligent a you are, so do not make them or yourself feel uncomfortable if you find yourself in this situation.

#DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR MORE

There are still a lot of workplaces around the globe, that do not pay women equally as they would pay men or promote women enough or given women in their organization more responsibility. What do you do in such a situation? You ask for more! When you push yourself, you also push your boss to give you what you want. It is after all for you. You are the one who is going to benefit from the potential raise or promotion, not your boss. Don't sit around waiting for things to happen. Don't hold back, holding back what you feel will only make you frustrated.

# DO NOT BE AFRAID OF BEING JUDGED

Sometimes, I have seen women being labeled by other men & women as being career minded. In the context of this post, you might think this classification is ok. But it is not. What makes me tick is the underlying tone when someone tells me I am career oriented. It is the hint of sarcasm mixed with contempt that is directed at you because others feel that you are out there to prove yourself instead of sticking to the more contemporary role of being a wife, mother, sister etc. Well yes, I am out there to prove myself, just like you are! So lighten up! Myself & my family are accustomed to a certain standard of living & to maintain that I have to earn money. So get your judgmental face out of my way.

“There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."

- Madeline Albright

Women's struggles haven't always been women's only. Of course, us women are & have to be there for each other and help each other out. But I would also like to acknowledge the fact that there are & have been a lot of male activists who have actively championed for women's rights. Let us not forget, our support system consists of men too. I know some feminists believe in blaming the other sex for all of women's troubles. And history does show that women have been suppressed time & again by men. But are we going to sit & dwell on that? Isn't it time to take charge ourselves and carve our own future? Thank not only the women but also the men in your life who have believed in you & supported you. And last but not the least, preach equality and live equally. Chivalry's almost dead, I thought it was overrated anyway. Learn to open the doors yourself. Because if tomorrow, there isn't a man around to open the door for you, are you going to wait outside in the cold?

P.S.:
I would like to recommend a book to all the women out there  :
" I Shouldn't be Telling You This" by Kate White. Do read it, it is very realistic, practical & every line in that book will teach you how to tackle problems at work & in life. If you cannot get a hold of a copy of this book, you can listen to her talk here: http://fora.tv/2012/11/07/I_Shouldnt_Be_Telling_You_This_Kate_White_on_Success

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Big People, Small Talk

I was at an office get together meant only for ladies the other evening and only one of my friends from work showed up to the gathering. I pretty much didn't know anyone else there & after an awkward start to the evening, well, there was more awkwardness to come..

So, I was stuck there and I had two hours to kill. Frankly speaking, I am getting good at making small talk now a days, but given a choice I would just shut up & sit in a corner. Sometimes it just wows me how lame people can get while making conversation with someone for the first time. And hey, that includes me too (well you just run out of things to talk after a while!). Some people can say really inappropriate stuff when making small talk. There was this German guy I met on a business trip and he started talking about Jews and Nazis. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his jokes. Some things like religion & politics should be just kept off the table. Back to the evening, we started with a round of drinks and this 50 something lady joins us and goes "I am ready to let my hair down!". I thought to myself, "Well, old girl, you might feel 22, but this is not the place!". And then she & a younger woman at the table engaged in the most inappropriate topic, i.e.thongs. I was scared while listening to that conversation, dare she mention her thongs! I don't even wanna imagine how would the 50 something lady look in a thong. You know stuff gets saggy once you grow older.

After the cursory hi's, hellos & how are you's, I just kept sipping at my Sprite, listening and observing other people. After a few moments of silence, I looked at my watch, one and a half hours to go. The woman next to me asked if I was married. I replied in affirmative. Then she asked me where did my husband work. I replied XYZ company. She goes, "What does he do there?". I reply, "He's an Operations engineer". She again asks me,"Oh, how did he end up there?". I thought to myself, "Shut up already, how much more information do you need?". But I politely satisfied her curiosity. And that was the end of it. What is she going to do with all that information? Does she care? No! That's what I hate about making small talk! Its pointless, it doesn't get you anywhere. Whenever I see someone coming down the hallway, I would just like to say "Hi" with a smile and get over with it. But the extended, "Hi, how is it going?" or "Hello, how are you doing? How was your weekend?" is a tad bit too much for me. I don't care how your weekend was, especially if you are just an acquaintance, I am just glad I didn't have to see your face!

After reading the above, don't get me wrong. I am interested in people who are genuinely interested in me & care about me, but the others I could do without them. As the evening progressed, I began spending more & more time on my cell phone. Checking Facebook, although there were no updates, I checked it 10 times already. Don't say you have never done that. I know there's a Facebook page many of you have liked, "Pulling out your phone when your alone in public". Am I right? I texted some friends and told them how suffocated I was feeling and that they made the right choice to not be a part of this gathering. Then came our orders, actually their orders. I didn't order any food as I thought we were only doing drinks.So, there I was, feeling awkward, the only one who didn't order food. I was like no one's gonna remember my name. Instead, they will remember me as the girl who didn't eat anything that night. So, I increased my cell phone activity. In the background I could hear the cutlery clinking against the plates and the "oh my god, the food is delicious" repetitions!

I looked at my watch again. 45 minutes more to go. The dinner was almost coming to an end. And then suddenly, two men from work crashed the "party". And all the ladies went gaga over the two men. Yeah, thats right, talk some more about people & things I don't know of. I mean, come on people, you already bored me for the last hour, talking about your experiences I know nothing of. How about discussing on a common topic? Just for the sake of courtesy? We are all just making small talk anyway, innit? The guys ordered oysters so that gave me & and the girl sitting in front of me  something to talk about. She probably realized that I was uncomfortable and started sharing her likings & dislikings about seafood. That went on well for a while, and then suddenly the 50 something old lady got up to leave. I thought thats my opening to escape. But then she again sat in her chair. Then another girl got up and started to leave. Phew! I got up and buttoned up my coat & quickly thanked everyone for the great evening & walked towards the door.

As I stepped out the door, and took in the fresh air, I felt so much better. All the suffocation, the discomfort disappeared instantly. I cranked up the car's engine & drove away into the darkness.

Have you ever been in such a situation? Care to share?

Broken Wings

I soared in the bright blue sky
Towards the shining sun
But one look at you & I was spellbound
My fate took a U-turn

I followed you everywhere I could
Did everything I could for you
But all you did was clip my wings
And suddenly all my nightmares came true

With no one to hold me
I fell prey to gravity
Faster and deeper
Out of my broken dream,into reality

Chugging along the long & winding path
Don't care where I am going
Sometimes into the future, sometimes into the past
With a heavy heart & my broken dreams