I was at an office get together meant only for ladies the other evening and only one of my friends from work showed up to the gathering. I pretty much didn't know anyone else there & after an awkward start to the evening, well, there was more awkwardness to come..
So, I was stuck there and I had two hours to kill. Frankly speaking, I am getting good at making small talk now a days, but given a choice I would just shut up & sit in a corner. Sometimes it just wows me how lame people can get while making conversation with someone for the first time. And hey, that includes me too (well you just run out of things to talk after a while!). Some people can say really inappropriate stuff when making small talk. There was this German guy I met on a business trip and he started talking about Jews and Nazis. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his jokes. Some things like religion & politics should be just kept off the table. Back to the evening, we started with a round of drinks and this 50 something lady joins us and goes "I am ready to let my hair down!". I thought to myself, "Well, old girl, you might feel 22, but this is not the place!". And then she & a younger woman at the table engaged in the most inappropriate topic, i.e.thongs. I was scared while listening to that conversation, dare she mention her thongs! I don't even wanna imagine how would the 50 something lady look in a thong. You know stuff gets saggy once you grow older.
After the cursory hi's, hellos & how are you's, I just kept sipping at my Sprite, listening and observing other people. After a few moments of silence, I looked at my watch, one and a half hours to go. The woman next to me asked if I was married. I replied in affirmative. Then she asked me where did my husband work. I replied XYZ company. She goes, "What does he do there?". I reply, "He's an Operations engineer". She again asks me,"Oh, how did he end up there?". I thought to myself, "Shut up already, how much more information do you need?". But I politely satisfied her curiosity. And that was the end of it. What is she going to do with all that information? Does she care? No! That's what I hate about making small talk! Its pointless, it doesn't get you anywhere. Whenever I see someone coming down the hallway, I would just like to say "Hi" with a smile and get over with it. But the extended, "Hi, how is it going?" or "Hello, how are you doing? How was your weekend?" is a tad bit too much for me. I don't care how your weekend was, especially if you are just an acquaintance, I am just glad I didn't have to see your face!
After reading the above, don't get me wrong. I am interested in people who are genuinely interested in me & care about me, but the others I could do without them. As the evening progressed, I began spending more & more time on my cell phone. Checking Facebook, although there were no updates, I checked it 10 times already. Don't say you have never done that. I know there's a Facebook page many of you have liked, "Pulling out your phone when your alone in public". Am I right? I texted some friends and told them how suffocated I was feeling and that they made the right choice to not be a part of this gathering. Then came our orders, actually their orders. I didn't order any food as I thought we were only doing drinks.So, there I was, feeling awkward, the only one who didn't order food. I was like no one's gonna remember my name. Instead, they will remember me as the girl who didn't eat anything that night. So, I increased my cell phone activity. In the background I could hear the cutlery clinking against the plates and the "oh my god, the food is delicious" repetitions!
I looked at my watch again. 45 minutes more to go. The dinner was almost coming to an end. And then suddenly, two men from work crashed the "party". And all the ladies went gaga over the two men. Yeah, thats right, talk some more about people & things I don't know of. I mean, come on people, you already bored me for the last hour, talking about your experiences I know nothing of. How about discussing on a common topic? Just for the sake of courtesy? We are all just making small talk anyway, innit? The guys ordered oysters so that gave me & and the girl sitting in front of me something to talk about. She probably realized that I was uncomfortable and started sharing her likings & dislikings about seafood. That went on well for a while, and then suddenly the 50 something old lady got up to leave. I thought thats my opening to escape. But then she again sat in her chair. Then another girl got up and started to leave. Phew! I got up and buttoned up my coat & quickly thanked everyone for the great evening & walked towards the door.
As I stepped out the door, and took in the fresh air, I felt so much better. All the suffocation, the discomfort disappeared instantly. I cranked up the car's engine & drove away into the darkness.
Have you ever been in such a situation? Care to share?
So, I was stuck there and I had two hours to kill. Frankly speaking, I am getting good at making small talk now a days, but given a choice I would just shut up & sit in a corner. Sometimes it just wows me how lame people can get while making conversation with someone for the first time. And hey, that includes me too (well you just run out of things to talk after a while!). Some people can say really inappropriate stuff when making small talk. There was this German guy I met on a business trip and he started talking about Jews and Nazis. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his jokes. Some things like religion & politics should be just kept off the table. Back to the evening, we started with a round of drinks and this 50 something lady joins us and goes "I am ready to let my hair down!". I thought to myself, "Well, old girl, you might feel 22, but this is not the place!". And then she & a younger woman at the table engaged in the most inappropriate topic, i.e.thongs. I was scared while listening to that conversation, dare she mention her thongs! I don't even wanna imagine how would the 50 something lady look in a thong. You know stuff gets saggy once you grow older.
After the cursory hi's, hellos & how are you's, I just kept sipping at my Sprite, listening and observing other people. After a few moments of silence, I looked at my watch, one and a half hours to go. The woman next to me asked if I was married. I replied in affirmative. Then she asked me where did my husband work. I replied XYZ company. She goes, "What does he do there?". I reply, "He's an Operations engineer". She again asks me,"Oh, how did he end up there?". I thought to myself, "Shut up already, how much more information do you need?". But I politely satisfied her curiosity. And that was the end of it. What is she going to do with all that information? Does she care? No! That's what I hate about making small talk! Its pointless, it doesn't get you anywhere. Whenever I see someone coming down the hallway, I would just like to say "Hi" with a smile and get over with it. But the extended, "Hi, how is it going?" or "Hello, how are you doing? How was your weekend?" is a tad bit too much for me. I don't care how your weekend was, especially if you are just an acquaintance, I am just glad I didn't have to see your face!
After reading the above, don't get me wrong. I am interested in people who are genuinely interested in me & care about me, but the others I could do without them. As the evening progressed, I began spending more & more time on my cell phone. Checking Facebook, although there were no updates, I checked it 10 times already. Don't say you have never done that. I know there's a Facebook page many of you have liked, "Pulling out your phone when your alone in public". Am I right? I texted some friends and told them how suffocated I was feeling and that they made the right choice to not be a part of this gathering. Then came our orders, actually their orders. I didn't order any food as I thought we were only doing drinks.So, there I was, feeling awkward, the only one who didn't order food. I was like no one's gonna remember my name. Instead, they will remember me as the girl who didn't eat anything that night. So, I increased my cell phone activity. In the background I could hear the cutlery clinking against the plates and the "oh my god, the food is delicious" repetitions!
I looked at my watch again. 45 minutes more to go. The dinner was almost coming to an end. And then suddenly, two men from work crashed the "party". And all the ladies went gaga over the two men. Yeah, thats right, talk some more about people & things I don't know of. I mean, come on people, you already bored me for the last hour, talking about your experiences I know nothing of. How about discussing on a common topic? Just for the sake of courtesy? We are all just making small talk anyway, innit? The guys ordered oysters so that gave me & and the girl sitting in front of me something to talk about. She probably realized that I was uncomfortable and started sharing her likings & dislikings about seafood. That went on well for a while, and then suddenly the 50 something old lady got up to leave. I thought thats my opening to escape. But then she again sat in her chair. Then another girl got up and started to leave. Phew! I got up and buttoned up my coat & quickly thanked everyone for the great evening & walked towards the door.
As I stepped out the door, and took in the fresh air, I felt so much better. All the suffocation, the discomfort disappeared instantly. I cranked up the car's engine & drove away into the darkness.
Have you ever been in such a situation? Care to share?
I don't think small talk is for everyone. Just like you, I personally don't like it, especially when it comes to total strangers. I also think, there is cultural aspect to it. I think at least in our culture, we do not approach to strangers. From my experience, Americans are very good at small talk but the content is kind of superficial (not always). British folks take time, but when you do pass that barrier it often leads to a great conversation.
ReplyDeleteEven though I don't like it, I am making conscious effort to improve on this skill because of two things -
1. Its great way to making connections, particularly at workplace. ( I recently experienced this to my benefit, in Office )
2. Very small % times, it does lead a good conversation.
I think you will find this interesting - http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1kh8ip/reddit_whats_your_best_small_talk_topic_that/
I agree, its a skill that needs to be honed over time because it really helps in networking!
ReplyDeleteLike that link you posted above, one should have a list of topics prepared and ready to go!
Haha, good read. Thanks for sharing. And I understand where you're coming from :) But I'm a big time chatter. I don't mind sharing events of my day, and finding about the other person. I was exactly this way few years ago, and got really bored of it. I guess that's because by nature I love to talk. And I absolutely hate awkward situations. So I guess I just tend to break the silence and make it funny. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Who cares. If it's a gathering of strangers, I won't see them again, if not then I will know who to be aware of, and who to sit with next time :). And that js how I ended up being your awesome friend. Because I chose to not leave you alone hehe
ReplyDeleteI believe small talk can be potentially useful IF it remains a *small* talk (which wasn't necessarily the case in India). On the contrary I realised that the Americans have good skills in doing that. The Germans prefer coming to the point directly, so all their talks seem to be small in the literal sense.
ReplyDeleteIn addition to the points already mentioned through your post and the comments, I think small talk helps in becoming more compatible with a person who may not be immediately attractive. Also, I don't see anyway to counter new situations/people without useful small talk. And also that makes you look like you know a lot more than you do ;) Personally, I can improve my German language skills. Of course, you have to follow the etiquette (if any) of not extending it too much into your personal life.
I like the topic of the post, you get to read different opinions and experiences.
BTW, are you sure the guy you mentioned was German? Nazis and Jews is considered too sensitive a topic to be discussed (openly).